1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,480
I always insist on wearing my hat
from my cracker, don't I?

2
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,960
I hate wearing my hat
from my Christmas cracker.

3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,960
It really annoys me.

4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,000
Yeah, but I make you wear it.
You don't.

5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,960
But I want you to wear it this year.

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,960
Please.
I'm not wearing it.

7
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,640
It just annoys me.
It gets me hot, flustered

8
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,960
and, as I'm eating,
I can hear a rustle in my ears.

9
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,960
A rustle?
Yeah, I can. I can hear it.

10
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960
We don't have a Russell
in our family.

11
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,000
The paper on the hat.
Oh, dear.

12
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,960
Well, what if I made like
a woollen Christmas hat

13
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,640
that doesn't rustle,
would you wear that?

14
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,800
No, thank you.
Would you not?

15
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:38,960
Mmm.

16
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,640
There are...there are things
about Christmas

17
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,960
about midnight mass on Christmas Eve

18
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:09,960
that I find unbearably emotional.

19
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,960
There are...

20
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,960
There are Christmas carols or...

21
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,320
things that one hears traditionally
at Christmas.

22
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,960
And...

23
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:29,800
I...I tend not to...

24
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,960
I tend not to hear these any more.

25
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,480
I try to avoid hearing them
because I find them...

26
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,480
..painful.

27
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,320
I'm too easily touched.

28
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,480
That...12...bit.

29
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,960
12 birds a-calling.

30
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,960
How does the first line go?

31
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,960

my true love sent to me

32
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,000


33
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,960


34
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,960
No, I can't remember that song.

35
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960


36
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,960
Oh, no. On the first...
That's a good start, isn't it?

37
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,960
Straight into the end.
No, it does start with the 12.

38
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,960
Count down, innit?

39
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,960


40
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,960


41
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,960


42
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
A partridge in a pear tree.

43
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,960
What do you think that's symbolic
of?

44
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,960
I don't know, do I?

45
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,960
Well, what...what...erm...

46
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,960
A partridge...

47
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,960
It's in a pear tree.

48
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:41,160
I've no idea. I mean, look at
the state of it, five gold rings.

49
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,960
No. Just a minute.
Ladies dancing, lords leaping.

50
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,960
No... A partridge in a pear tree?
I've no idea.

51
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,800
You're leaping ahead.
I don't know.

52
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,640
A partridge in a pear tree makes me
think about good target practice

53
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,960
as you're trying to knock
the partridge out of the pear tree.

54
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,960
Why would somebody want
a partridge in a pear tree?

55
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,960
That's where partridges live,
isn't it?

56
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,160
In a pear tree?
How many partridges...

57
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,960
Do you know where partridges live?
No.

58
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Shut up, then.
Take the man's word for it.

59
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
Whatever.

60
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:20,320

my true love gave to me a part...

61
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,960
Oh, God!

62
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,960
Christmas?

63
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,960
It's good, cos it's a long holiday.

64
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,960
I don't have to worry about things.

65
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,640
For a few days. Or rather I can
worry about something different.

66
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,800
Like meeting my family...

67
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,000
Er... Well, in my family...erm...

68
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,960
..the habits are probably much the
same as most families at Christmas.

69
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:52,640
They involve...erm...
the large belly habit,

70
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:59,960
followed by the...large tumbler of
alcoholic beverage habit,

71
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,960
followed by
the...huge argument habit,

72
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,960
followed by the early bed habit.

73
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,960
And the indigestion habit.

74
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
And then the...

75
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,960
"Oh, God, we've got to be here
for another four days" habit.

76
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,960
And "Why did you buy me
all this crap?" habit.

77
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,960


78
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,960


79
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,960


80
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,640



81
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,160
Doves... I don't know
what that has to do with it.

82
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,800
There's supposed to be two doves
and you take one and that.

83
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,320
It's supposed to bring you good luck
when the two doves come together.

84
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,960
You've seen stories on the telly
about it.

85
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,320
Yeah, it's supposed to be true.
A dove is supposed to be good luck.

86
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,320
That's what they reckon.
Yeah...

87
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,480


88
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,640


89
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,960
A... Sorry. I had to cut it.

90
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,960
Two turtle doves.

91
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,960
Some type of odd genetic experiment.
Gone wrong.

92
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,960
I don't know. A dove and a turtle

93
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,320
mixed together in some laboratory.

94
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,000
I don't know...

95
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,960
Two doves makes me think of target
practice as well!

96
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,960
I hadn't realised that
I was so psychopathic, really.

97
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,960
Two doves conjures an image
of peace. Of Christmas.

98
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,960
Two white doves sitting in a tree,
that's lovely, isn't it?

99
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,960


100
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,960


101
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960


102
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960



103
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,960


104
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,960
Three French hens.

105
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Well, they're just hens
that are French, aren't they, really?

106
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,960
But I don't see the relevance.

107
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,960
That wouldn't be so good,
three elephants, would it?

108
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,960
I said relevance not elephants.

109
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,960
Oh, right.

110
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
What do you think French hens are?

111
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,960
Do you have any idea at all?

112
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,960
Whatever.

113
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,960
Three French hens.

114
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,960
Are they in the tree?

115
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,960

the day of glory has arrived

116
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,960


117
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,960


118
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Yes.

119
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,960
Well, they've flown from France,
a long way.

120
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,960
They're not the three wise men.

121
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,960
No.

122
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,800
Or they might be.
I don't know.

123
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,960
Sorry?
You know, it's sort of...

124
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,960
It's difficult to know, isn't it?
Oh.

125
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,960
How did the three wise men know

126
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,960
that the North Star was going to
lead them to summat special?

127
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,960
Well, the North Star it's there,
innit?

128
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
It's there.
It's there.

129
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,960
But go find it.

130
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,960
Go follow it. Find it.
Where's it going to take you?

131
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,480
The three kings brought gifts
to the baby Jesus.

132
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,160
Yeah, frankincense, gold and myrrh.
Yeah.

133
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,960
Not PlayStation, iPod and...

134
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,960
I don't know,
I can't think of a third one.

135
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,960
What are the three kings?

136
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960
One...

137
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
Um... I don't know.

138
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,960


139
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,960


140
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:33,960

three French hens, two turtle doves

141
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,160


142
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,960


143
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,960
Now, if you opened the door
and there was four birds calling...

144
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,960
..you'd say, "Who sent you?"

145
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,640
Yeah, I mean...

146
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,960
I ain't got a clue really
what that's all about, that song.

147
00:07:55,960 --> 00:08:00,960
And they'd say, "Well,
your true love sent us round.

148
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
We're just calling

149
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,000
to see if you're OK.

150
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,960
If everything's all right
at Christmas.

151
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,960
Do you need anything?"

152
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,960
We never took the time out
to look at it.

153
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,960
That's the trouble with life,
isn't it?

154
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,960
There's so much to do
and there's so much to know.

155
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,960
"Do you want anything?"

156
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,960
So...

157
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,960
That's what that's about.

158
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,960
Four birds calling.

159
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,960
And the thing is, I mean even
these people that know everything,

160
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,800
there's so much more they don't...
When you get higher up in the song

161
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,960
it's like so many drummers drumming.

162
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Things like that.
What's that all about?

163
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,480
I mean, it could be anything,
couldn't it?

164
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:45,960

my true love sent to me

165
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,960


166
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:54,640

three French hens, two turtle doves

167
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:59,320


168
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,960
Um... It's also, er...

169
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,960
I think Christmas is for children.

170
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,960
My fishing?
Children.

171
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Oh...

172
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,960
We go to asleep.
Father Christmas brings us presents.

173
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,960
And he gets hungry

174
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,960
and we leave a snack for him.

175
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,960
We do.

176
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,960
And some biscuits. And some milk.

177
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
That's all.

178
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960
So...

179
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,480
I'm tired.

180
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,960
You didn't sleep
very much last night? No.

181
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,960
I love everything about Christmas.
I love the Christmas decorations.

182
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,960
It's just so sparkly and twinkly
and lovely.

183
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,960
It's really relaxing.
It's lovely, actually.

184
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,960
Reindeer with their legs going.
I love them.

185
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,960
Kids love it, man. It's lovely.

186
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,960
Why do we have a Christmas tree?

187
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,960
Are we talking about
Christmas trees? Yes.

188
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Norway were the first to start it.

189
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
That's where the Christmas trees
come from originally.

190
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
Have you just made that up?
No. Yes.

191
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,960
I haven't.
Yes, he has, the little devil.

192
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,160
It'll have some religious meaning.
Of course it will.

193
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,800
It was St Nicholas...
We should be ashamed we don't know.

194
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,960
That's Santa. Santa Claus.
Who's Santa? No, that's Nicholas.

195
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,320
(SIGHS)

196
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,960
So you want me to sing? Right.

197
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,960
OK. Are you recording?

198
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,960


199
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,960


200
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,960



201
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,800


202
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,960
Um...the 12 days of Christmas.

203
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960
Oh, yes?

204
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,960
Do you know that?
Yes.

205
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,960
You want me to sing it all?
It'll take me for ever.

206
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:52,960
(SNIFFS)

207
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,960
I gave a little sniffle...
(LAUGHS)

208
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,320
You've come to interview me

209
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,480
and you're allergic to dogs!

210
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,960
No wonder you're feeling
a bit sniffly.

211
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,960
Oh, dear, so funny.

212
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,960
Ah... The 12 Days of Christmas.

213
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,160
I know it.
But I don't know the words.

214
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,960
No.

215
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,960

(BEATBOXES)

216
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,160


217
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,480


218
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,960

three French hens

219
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,960

No, no, no, no.

220
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,640
French hens, isn't it?


221
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,000
Three French hens.


222
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,160


223
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,960
BOTH:


224
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,960

my true love sent to me

225
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,960


226
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,960
What's all that about?

227
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,960
Well, what they do
because they're not mammals,

228
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,960
they lay eggs.

229
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,640


230
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,960

three French hens...

231
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,960
I don't remember any more.
Six.

232
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Six maids a-singing...?

233
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,960
I might've made it up, no...

234
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,960
Six...? I know there are
lords a-leaping somewhere.

235
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,960


236
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960


237
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,480
We're just laying.

238
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,960
We're geese and we're laying.
Yeah, man, just hanging in.

239
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,800
We are geese and we are just laying!

240
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,960
We're just laying.

241
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,960
You dig?
Yeah!

242
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,960


243
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,480


244
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,640


245
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,960

Oh, God, I've missed it again.

246
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,960
Thought I was getting a bit better
as we were going down.

247
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,960
We always sing out of tune if you're
a foreigner listening to our song.

248
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,000
Sounds out of tune,
but it's not really.

249
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,320
They're quarter pitch.
Are you sure?

250
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,480
Yeah.

251
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,960
(SHAKY VOICE)


252
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,960


253
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,960


254
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,000


255
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,960

three French hens, two turtle doves

256
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,960


257
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,800


258
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,800


259
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,960


260
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,960


261
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,960
Er...seven swans a-swimming.

262
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
As swans do.

263
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,960
Yeah, as they do, unless it's ice.

264
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,960
Um...that must refer back to
the sort of gamey type of thing,

265
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,960
bearing in mind it's only royalty

266
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,480
that are officially allowed
to eat swans.

267
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,320
Poor old swans.

268
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,640
I don't know if I've ever listened

269
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,960
to the Queen give
the Christmas message.

270
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,960
But I presume
she speaks in a silly voice

271
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,160
and says a load of old guff.

272
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,960
This Christmas was awful.

273
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
But next one will be better.

274
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,000
I don't like doing German accents!

275
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,960
I'm so bad at doing
an impression of Her Holiness.

276
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,960
Is it legal because I might get
deported doing this, you know?

277
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Um... (AS THE QUEEN)
"Enjoy your friends and food

278
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
and your boring
Christmas television.

279
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:42,960
And think of us sharing little tales
of Christmas cheer.

280
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,480
I hope you all have a lovely year.

281
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,960
And...erm...

282
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,960
The end."

283
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,960


284
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,960


285
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,960


286
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,960
ALL LAUGH

287
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Eight maids a-milking in the meadow.
Buxom women

288
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960
in white tops and hay.

289
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Hay, lots of hay and cows.

290
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,800
And more cows and maids a-milking.
Udders.

291
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,960
Udders.
Udders.

292
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,960
Udders. Ah, get my gun.

293
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,960
Nurse, where's my tablet?

294
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,640
The eight maids,
or six maids milking,

295
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,960
I think that's milking cows.

296
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,960
It's got to be, innit?
What else do you milk?

297
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,160
Goats, I suppose.
Baby. Milking their babies.

298
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,960
You wouldn't be milking the baby,
would you?

299
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,960
No, but milking themselves.
You get milk in Mummy.

300
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,960
It's a long song.

301
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,000


302
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,160


303
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,960


304
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,960



305
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960


306
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,960

Nine swans a-leaping?

307
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,000
Right?

308
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,640


309
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,960


310
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,960


311
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,960


312
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,960


313
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,960


314
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,960


315
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,800


316
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,960


317
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,960

eight maids a-milking

318
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,960

six geese a-laying

319
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,960


320
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,960

three French hens

321
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,960


322
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,960


323
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,640


324
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,000


325
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,960


326
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,960
That would annoy you, wouldn't it?

327
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,960

dee dee dee dee dee

328
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,960

dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee

329
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,960


330
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,960

No.

331
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960

Eight maids a-milking

332
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960


333
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,960

five golden rings

334
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:18,960

three French hens

335
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,960


336
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,960


337
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,960
I don't know the words. That was one
of the posh songs when I was a kid.

338
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,000
Geordies didn't sing
them sort of songs.

339
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,480
It's a nice song.

340
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,960
And...it always takes you right
into Christmas, doesn't it really?

341
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,960
Do you like it, or...?

342
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,960
Yeah...

343
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:45,320
Maybe there is something magic
about it that I'll rediscover

344
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,000
when I get older.

345
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,960
Or when I'm...slightly different.

346
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,960
I always complain about Christmas
but I guess maybe I like it a bit.

347
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:02,960



348
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,960



349
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,800


350
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,960


351
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,960

Oh!

352
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,640


353
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,800


354
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,960



355
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,960



356
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,960



357
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:33,800



358
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,960

three French hens

359
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,960


360
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,960


361
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960
Oh, I'm a partridge.

362
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,960
We know it now but we can't sing it.

363
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,960
I know bits. I just can't...
Put the words together.

364
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,960
12 days. Is it like the 12th night?

365
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,640
Is that what it means?
What's all that? That's like...

366
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,320
I don't want to go through
all that analysing it.

367
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,960
I know it's late but I think
we need to bottom this one.

368
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,960
You can bog off, I'm not doing it.

369
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,960
We need to analyse it
to the nth degree.

370
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,960
Change the subject please.

371
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,960

No, hold on.

372
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,800
Where are we going now,
from the top? Eh?

373
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,960

three French hens, two turtle doves

374
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:28,000


375
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:35,960


376
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,960
(CACKLES)

377
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,160
APPLAUSE

378
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,000
That's a wrap.

379
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,160
Brilliant.
It's in the can.

380
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,960
Happy Christmas everyone.

381
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,960
Have a very, very nice Christmas.

382
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,960
You're very beautiful.

383
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,640
(AS THE QUEEN)
And from Buckingham Palace,

384
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,960
I'd like to wish you all
a merry Christmas.

385
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960
She sounds like an old queen.
Gawd, dear, I do, don't I?

386
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,960
All I need's a pair of a glasses and
a bouffant. You make me feel old.

387
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,960
Bless you, Ma'am.

388
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,960
The spirit of Christmas
is something really beautiful

389
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,960
when you believe in it.

390
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,960
If not, well...

391
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,800
Enjoy Christmas as you can.

392
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,160
Happy Christmas, Muriel.
Happy Christmas.

393
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,640
And just carry on drinking
the water.

394
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,960
Yes.
It's good for you.

395
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,000
I wish I could drink but...

396
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,160
I can't drink.

397
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,960
Ooh, I think...

398
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,960
a nice peaceful Christmas
for everybody.

399
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,960
I think we'll have
a nice peaceful Christmas.

400
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,960
Yes, I think so.

401
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,480
My Christmas message to the world

402
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,960
is...love your family,
love your friends,

403
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,480
love your animals,
and love life to the full

404
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:02,960
because life is so exciting
and so enjoyable.

405
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,960
And the more you put into it,
the more you get out of it.

406
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,160
Life is just so fantastic.

407
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,960
My Christmas message would be
stop shopping.

408
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,960
My Christmas message
to the world is...

409
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960
..speak to each other.
Talk. Communicate.

410
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,960
It's-it's good to talk.

411
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,960
It's great to have a conversation.

412
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,960
Erm...

413
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,640
If you talk more, I think
there wouldn't be so many problems.

414
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,800
And let's share the wealth.

415
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,960
We all live on the same planet.
We're all the same people.

416
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,640
Love each other. Bling!

417
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Don't worry.
It's only gonna be for a week or so

418
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,480
and then you can forget
all about it till next year.

419
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,000
That song, the 12 Days of Christmas,
I find it really irritating.

420
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,960
The words are daft.
Five gold rings and all that.

421
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,960
Happy Christmas everybody.
Happy Christmas.

422
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,960
That didn't sound very sincere,
did it?

423
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,960
Well, it was.
Happy Christmas, enjoy yourselves.

424
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,960
And don't forget
the true meaning of Christmas.

425
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,480
No.

426
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,960
I'm just thinking about partridges.

427
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,000
Well, stop thinking about
partridges.

428
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,960
Is it in danger as a species?

429
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960
Can you be quiet now, please?

430
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,960
Is it edible?
(SIGHS)

431
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,960


432
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,960
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433
00:22:56,010 --> 00:23:00,560
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